Where are all the good men? Down in the basement
Source: Scripps Howard
Publication date: Oct 29, 12:35 PM

      Where have all the men gone?

Single women in big cities nationwide are asking this question a lot these days according to a source that would know — the United States Census Bureau.

     The Census Bureau, which can often be found brunching at "Pastis" in Manhattan while dishing with its single gal pals, says that there were 86 unmarried American men for every 100 unmarried women aged 15 or older in the year 2000.

     (When it comes to knowing what women want, no federal agency even comes close to the Census Bureau. Sorry, General Accounting Office. The Census Bureau is open-minded and a good listener. It is by far the most metrosexual office of the executive branch.)

     The man-shortage epidemic has reached such epic proportions that the "Los Angeles Daily News" recently felt compelled to run a front-page banner headline (the kind normally reserved for occasions such as the Paris Peace Accords) that read:

     "Boy, mom was right: A good man is hard to find"

     The article, written by Dana Bartholomew, said that the Census Bureau's "Marital Status 2000" research shows a 10:9 bachelorettes to bachelors ratio in regions with 100,000-plus residents.

     "I have a thousand beautiful women," professional matchmaker Dianne Bennett told the "Daily News." "I do not have anywhere near one man for every woman — it's so disproportionate. It's ugly."

     So where have all the men gone?

     In the interest of finding a way to continue this column, I did some research.

     According to the Census Bureau (is there anything it doesn't know?), 55 percent of men aged 18-to-24 live at home with their parents. What's more, 13 percent of all men aged 25-to-34 live at home, compared to 8 percent of women.

     There's your gap right there. Throw those 13 percent out of their parents' suburban homes and into the urban dating pool (I'll go WAY out on a limb and say the mom's-basement demographic is not dating heavily) and suddenly the 100-86 ratio starts evening out.

     That explains where the men are.

     But that's just part of the story.

     While the media has done a fine job of trying to scare women into believing that the last good man got married five minutes ago, they are failing to report on a very important angle:

     Women are now officially way cooler than men.

     Think about it. While a significant number of men are hanging out in mom's basement playing "Madden 2004" online versus FavreMVP03, more women are moving to big cities, landing jobs and prowling for men.

     This used to be the man's job — the moving, the working, the prowling! Now women are beating us at our own game. And we're not talking "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City."

     Well, as a fellow mover, worker and prowler, I feel for you ladies.

     That is why I call on all single men nationwide to increase their dating by 14 percent. As brave but neglected souls, the single women of America deserve to be treated to restaurant-quality meals with increasing frequency.

     Now, some might call it unethical for a columnist to use this sacred space to court women. But isn't standing idly by while millions of good women live without hope even more unethical? I think it is.

     Single women of the United States, e-mail me at DonatelliJ(at)shns.com whenever you're feeling lonely.

     I can not promise to date all 43 million of you. But if I can spend just a few evenings with even 6.02 million of you, won't we have done some good here?

© 2000 Scripps Howard News Service.

All Rights Reserved.

< Back